Prinsesang Rakista

May 16.. This is one of the saddest moment of my life. I never expected that I will ever feel this pain in my entire life. I'm strong outside but in fact I am very weak inside. I'm always misunderstood of what my real personality is. Maybe because I'm too intimidating and not friendly, seldom go out with friends. It's me. Because of this, now I'm falling apart. No friends to go to, to talk to, to share thoughts and feelings. But I'm trying to move on. I have shared this to my few friends. God and my family is helping me to cope with this mess. This is the first time I undergo this painful situation that's why I do not know how to move on from here. It's funny how God gives His messages to me, even in Facebook, Twitter and in my dream. =).

from Facebook..
.. that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest.
from Twitter..
A great relationship is about two main things. First, find out the similarities. Second, respect the differences.
I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had.
I had a dream last night with a song that is very clearly playing titled "Maghintay Ka Lamang" (Just Wait), I can't even remember how I last heard this song.. But clearly this is a message of God from me..

Kung hindi ngayon ang panahon, na para sa iyo
Huwag maiinip, dahil ganyan ang buhay sa mundo
Huwag mawawalan ng pag-asa, darating din ang ligaya
Ang isipin mo'y may bukas pa,na may roong saya

Kabigua'y hindi hadlang, upang tumakas ka
Huwag kang iiwas, pag-nabibigo
Dapat nga lumaban ka....

CHORUS:
Ang kaylangan mo'y, tibay ng loob
Kung mayrong pag-subok man
Ang liwanag ay di magtatagal,
At muling mamamasdan
Iko't ng mundo, ay hindi laging pighati't kasawian
Ang pangarap mo ay makakamtam,
Basta't maghintay ka lamang

I can't say that I can be happy in few weeks time but I hope that whatever the wound it caused in my heart would heal very soon and I just want us to be happy. I always tell my friends that God will never give you something that He knows you can't handle. But now I'm in the very same situation, I can't even comprehend what I'm saying. My heart always opposes my brain. I don't want to fail Him. He's like my boss, he gave me this because He knows I can make it through with flying colors. I want to get through this for myself. I want to love myself more importantly. I guess God wanted something better for me. A gift wrapped in a very big fancy wrapper. That when I open it, He knew that that gift is the most precious gift that I will never forget and be thankful for my entire life.